i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
did you just send me my own nude
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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