If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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