hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
