I just cut my nipple shaving
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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