I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
