i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
