dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
50% drunk capacity currently
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
