My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
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I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize