marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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