I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
