Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
