I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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