i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
