so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
