We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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