i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
