5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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