How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
