the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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