drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
