Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I touched a dick in church today
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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