If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
