Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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