I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
