After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
