You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
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lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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