I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Too much gin, very little bucket
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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