Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish i was in the wii world.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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