Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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