Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
