Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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