I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
