We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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