God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
