he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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