You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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