im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We had sex on a dog bed..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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