I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
