Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
