Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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