with your own penis?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
