Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
