Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
