So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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