Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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