saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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