new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
