My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
