MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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