Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
