Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
