There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
