kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
