I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
