There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
