when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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